the one who tried and broke

She was alone, broken and trying to heal herself when she met him. It was light hearted conversation in passing and he had gently made her smile. He was known for sharing his wisdom and many believed his words to be wise words worth following. So she listened to more of what he had to say and let him with his kind ways grow closer.

Why are you alone little one? He had asked one day… Why have you hidden from finding a Daddy to care for you. She had answered honestly, confusion already creeping into her heart because of how this man spoke to her. I am too broken, she had told him, I will hurt others with my broken pieces and know I am not yet ready… or worthy. This was not an answer he had accepted, and he had protested and cajoled, oh but little one this is not true. You may be broken but you are still worthy, you need the guidance and love of someone patient. He was so kind to her in his words and in his ways, her fear and uncertainty began to slowly melt away.

It wasn’t him that was right though, it was her. She was too broken and her healing edges still sharp and unforgiving, injuring and scarring those who tried to get to close to her. This was not what she wanted and it tore at her heart each time she saw the damage done. But this was the cage she was stuck inside of, a prison made of her own twisted broken pain. Bleeding he broke himself against her sharp edges and cried for her to let him in. Anguish tore at her for she wanted to fullfill his wish, but she could not for she had not yet found the key that would release her or in turn let someone else in. She had tried to warn him, tried to tell him that she was too lost inside her broken prison for anyone to get through to her. Her already damaged and crumbled heart with all its missing pieces began to bleed for this man, for his pain and his suffering that she knew was because of her.

He became bitter as his own pain encompassed his being, he began to see her as something else. The root of evil and all that was wrong… and maybe she was. But it wasn’t her choosing to be this way, it wasn’t her want to be tangled and lost within a place no one could truly join her. Soon he walked away, spouting curses to all who would listen, vile stories of the monster he had thought a girl worth loving.

She had never asked this man into her life to try save her, she had told him his mission was impossible and he failed to believe her. In his arrogance he believed he could save her, then his pride would not let him see he needed to save himself not her. The girl never wanted for his pain or torment, she never wished for his wrath and never did she wish on him the ill will he now poured upon her name.

For a little time she had believed he could be strong enough to break through and lead her to being herself again, and that there was her folly. For it gave him the purchase to break himself upon her and leave his blood upon her hands. For the briefest moment though, she had felt the warmth and radiance of something so very pure and light. Then it was ripped from her and she was left to flounder in the dark grasping at something that would always be nothing. Her heart bled more… she had almost believed he was the one, that he would endure and break through and save her from the dark coldness of her mind… but he was gone like all others.

Soon she found peace again and she settled back into her barbed and broken cage. She didn’t forget him and she lamented his painful and hostile exit from her life. In moments more darker she found herself resenting the man who just couldn’t let her be, she wished he had never intruded in a place she had warned him he shouldn’t go.

None of it mattered anymore for he was gone, her walls were intact and the girl was once again alone… and safe.

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